a morning with my King

I am constantly inspired by the walk of Jesus. I know there is so many ways to interpret the bible and the way we as Christians are suppose to walk out this life on earth but i am challenged to study the way Jesus walked before us. To sit at my Saviors feet and learn from Him, glean from the way he dealt with situations and how he loved the people placed in front of Him. He was a man full of grace for those who where weak and conviction for those who "played religion". I want my walk to mimic His example. to speak words of grace and love to the tax collectors, prostitutes, and lame in our day like He did in His time. I know that He is a God of justice and wants us to walk the straight and narrow and those things I hear Him speak as well but as i watch is actions i see love above all.  I see Him push back on the people of social status who tried to put rules on what was acceptable as a religious scholar. I see people in our time doing the same things the Pharisee's did and it saddens me to see us as Christian's struggle with the very thing that Jesus himself scorned so heavily when he walked this earth. What has happened to our Love and Grace above everything else for others. i am myself am guilty of this same pious attitude toward others. we don't know the heart only Christ really does so who are we to sit here and judge the way others relationship with the Lord looks like. We as the younger generation have become infatuated with the idea of finding some new revelation and have missed the mark altogether of making Jesus the focal point.  We want freedom from the religious chains we feel trapped in by those before us with there rules but we have missed it has well.  Its not about rules and regulations that makes us closer to Christ or more saved but it is also not about the idol of a new Revelation both stances in my opinion have missed the mark, the marks of a man who was sent to save a lost world. the marks of a man who took this girls sins so that i could live in freedom with Him for eternity. Why is that not amazing enough for us. why are we either A trying to earn our freedom our way still or B trying to find some new revelation to stir our hearts up. I ask again why is the cross not enough? why is the example Jesus laid out by the example he left not enough for us? I challenge everyone myself included get back to the heart of our existence and that is Jesus and what He did because his love was enough for Him.

I heard a quote the other day that stopped me in my tracks it went something like this, " you don't know how you will act as a servant until you are treated like one." wow convicting, right? I am in a season as a mom to two very high energy, high maintenance little ones where this hits me right at home. Much of my day consist of serving them, bathing them, feeding them and many other acts of services and of course being the little beans that they are there is not much recognition or giving back from there sweet little mouths. I am learning that this momma needs some work on the attitude of a servants heart. I would love to say i am one of those momma's that gives so generously and has such a christ like attitude about it but i am afraid to say that is far from the truth. i  may give generously to those the Lord has placed in my sphere of influence but the minute i turn around and they can't see or hear me I have a biting comment to say or am quick to show my frustration. I feel the Lord softening my heart in this area of my life. i am no longer okay with just people pleasing to make sure i am liked or because i want to look like the bigger, better person. I am not okay with wanting to change to be a better person because i want perfection. I want my motivation to be christ and my love for Him alone, for my heart and relationship with Him to be the thing that motivates me to be a better person not because i selfishly just want to look and act perfect. This is an attitude that is still so self focused. it many look right on the outside to those around you because you are doing the "right" thing, the biblical thing but all in all you are still selfishly doing the "right" thing for the show not because you are so in love with the Lord that your love for Him draws you on your knees desireing only to be so close to His heart that nothing separates you.  this is my desire to have this motivation to change the unwanted sin in my life to be the person the Lord desires me to be because of my love for Him and my desire to be close to him. I want to be changed from the inside out. i have never been okay with mediocre in my life, with the mundane, but now i even want the reason i am not okay with these things to not be born of me but to be inspired by the love of our heavenly Father. May we all be people who do the "right" things for Christ because we are inspired by His love not because we are desiring perfection for self-righteous reasons. from the heart of a learning servant.

Watched a movie with my baby on my lap today, because of course she like every other day refused to nap. Sure I would liked to watch my movie in peace with no intruptions on this raining day, but I Would not trade those giggles and smiles for any amount of quite time. Yes I won't lie at times the single life without babies sounds so appealing to my over stimulated ears but if I really think back to that time I wanted this life so bad and felt so bored and unfulfilled without those sweet cheeks. I know through each season with my girls will come its challenges and struggles but as well each season will come with new joys and laughter. As I play princess with one and peekaboo with the other I am overwhelmed with and in awe of how blessed I am. Each day I find myself in some new adventure seen through there little eyes( that is if I allow myself to stop for a minute and go there with them.) the other day I was watching my littlest bean look out our window at cars passing by in such wonder and amazement and for that moment I to was able to see this world for the first time, through the eyes of my baby. Yes my days are not always filled with moments like this were I am able to see past all the dishes and Laundrey and screams from one direction or the next. I would be utterly lying if I told you they were,that I had some how attend the unattenable goal us mothers so seek after, " to enjoy each moment because it goes by so fast," not even close but there are moments where I find myself cherishing the craziness and I find myself able like today to really say I would not have it any other way. Let me tell you those are the moments I cherish the most when i find myself seeing the bigger picture and loving all I have. they are just rare beautiful moments but they are what keep me sane until the next scream or melt down comes. along.

Jesus love the children

so today was just a typical day in my life, you know the running here and there through out the house feeling like what did my mom always say oh yeah a "chicken with my head cut off." but in between breakfast, diapers and getting both girls down for a nap my sweet husband let me run errands. ahh the sweet bliss of going to the grocery store without a child screaming in the cart "i want candy, i want a toy, i want this i want that." as i was out i decided to go try on these boots i had saw at the mall the other day. while i was waiting for my size to come out the lord provided a divine appointment for me. I began to talk to this sweet women who was in her forties and quite beautiful. I had told her i had two girls at home and she said " oh girls are just wonderful i as well have two beautiful girl but mine are 23 and 22." I then asked her if she had one piece of advice for me what would it be she said communication and to start communicating at a young age. she also said that most people say they just love the babies all cuddly but she didn't like that stage has much as when they were older and could play together. it was nice to hear her say exactly what i was feeling. it was so sweet of the Lord to bring this women through my path and hear from someone who had gone through what i was going through and what i will go through in the future. i love my sweet family and even on the most crazy of days where i am so overwhelmed and want to just go back to bed i would not change being a mother to my beautiful girls and a wife to my amazing husband. The Lord has just recently been teaching me the importance of this role. I was reading this book " heaven is for real" it is where this little boy goes to heaven and the thing that he keeps telling his parents over and over again about Jesus was ,"He really loves the children, he really really loves the children." has i read this i was convicted and inspired. Being the Mommy to these two beautiful little girls is so precisous in the Lords sight and i could not be doing anything more important to Him. I pray everyday that with the Lords strength, wisdom, and love i would pour into and pour over these three the Lord has place in my sphere of influence. That by Him pouring through me I would then be able to pour into them without a need to recieve anything in return. this is my hearts cry and pray, to be the best mommy and wife i can be and always keep the Lord at the center of everything. Thank you Jesus for the blessing of my family and for chosing me to be mommy to my girls, help them to follow me as i follow You. You are God and there is none besides you.

my sweet yet crazy family

Lord my questions remain yet I will still praise you. I get frustrated with the questions of why,
why would you let this happen to me? Why can’t it be easier? Both my girls had/
have acid reflux and has baby are so difficult and hard to calm. Never have I
gotten the pleasure of having a easy baby who packs around where ever with me
and just sleeps. I know this seem meanal and not something to shake my faith or
cause me to ask these questions stated above but I am there. It is not so hard really but I guess my expectation for this 2nd baby was that she would make up for how
hard it was with my first and when that expectation was met with yet another
difficult baby I have since been crushed. I am easily impatient and frustrated.
I wish I had the patients of Christ right now but I lack it with my every
being. I know what they all say it is

just a season it will get easier and I know in my head this is true but in the
everyday moments when she is screaming her head off and not sleeping and
fighting eating the journey seem never ending. It seems I will be in the season
for ever and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I want to enjoy these
moments because I know like said to me so many times they go by so fast and you are going to miss this but when I have
finally gotten the wee one to sleep and my two year old starts screaming from
the potty chair where come to find out has poop all over her hands and that
scream wakes up the wee babe for yet another round of screaming I find it hard
to cherish these moments. Then my baby gives me that toothless grin and my two
year old says I love you momma so much I am reminded of why my husband and I
took this leap of parenthood in the first place. I am blessed I will never dyne
that but I do long for days where I get some sleep and can finish journaling
for the day before I am intrupted by the screaming of one child or
another. And so I am off to try and be
the best mommy I can be to my girls and still keep some of my sanity and grace.
Lord I need you strength and grace. Give me an extra dose of your patience and
love for these crazy filled days and may I remember I have the choice to speak
life or death into this family’s heart and I want to be one who speaks life and
gives them hope. I am going to need you for that. Amen!

It's been to long

Oh the beauty of God's creation!

I am getting to enjoy the most amazing miracle of all right now carrying little Gracie Mae inside me. Yes it is a girl and Jeffrey and I are so thrilled. I can not wait to meet the sweet little face of the active little girl inside me. To feel her kicks is amazing and something that only mothers can fully enjoy. Jeffrey is so excited for her to come and i am so excited to see him take on the role of a father, it already comes so naturally to him and he already is so amazing at loving her. She is due May 3rd and i feel as if the date is creeping up on me, we have absolutely nothing ready. She is already a drama queen i guess she takes after her momma. When we found out she was a girl the doctors had also told us that they thought there was something wrong with her, a thing called trysomey 18 which is universally fatal to any child diagnosed with this. for a week Jeffrey and i waited to go to the specialist doctor so find out if our baby girl was going to be okay. it was one rough week but the Lord gave us so much strength by His word and the love of everyone around us. if you have ever been through the fiery trials which i am sure most have you have you know what i mean when i say the Lord was carrying us through, i could literally almost feel His arms of support as he walked me through each day. In the end we went to the specialist doctor and he told us she is completely healthy and normal. It showed me though that this child is not our own she is a gift from God and her days our numbered and ordained by him already, May we be responsible with the gift He has given us. Well that pretty much sums up what this seasoned as looked like for Jeffrey and I hopefully i will be a little better at posting things to keep you all updated.

Taylor Nicole Brand

8 pounds 4 ounces

20 inches long

God's creation just takes my breath away. The most
beautiful baby from the moment she took her first
breath. On september 22nd at six thirty five in the
morning baby taylor was born. Her mommy was a
trooper of course and was up walking around the
same day, she makes it look so easy. Already much love
surrounds this beautiful baby girl. Her big sissy was
so excited to meet her, every few seconds she would
have to lean down and give her baby sissy a kiss,
it was priceless.

And the Hagler family keeps growing
this will be my parents six grandchild with the
seventh on the way. what a gift family is
and the bigger they get the more dis functional
and precious they are. I wouldn't trade
my family for anything each individual person
holds such a special place in my heart.