heart to heart

I heard a quote the other day that stopped me in my tracks it went something like this, " you don't know how you will act as a servant until you are treated like one." wow convicting, right? I am in a season as a mom to two very high energy, high maintenance little ones where this hits me right at home. Much of my day consist of serving them, bathing them, feeding them and many other acts of services and of course being the little beans that they are there is not much recognition or giving back from there sweet little mouths. I am learning that this momma needs some work on the attitude of a servants heart. I would love to say i am one of those momma's that gives so generously and has such a christ like attitude about it but i am afraid to say that is far from the truth. i  may give generously to those the Lord has placed in my sphere of influence but the minute i turn around and they can't see or hear me I have a biting comment to say or am quick to show my frustration. I feel the Lord softening my heart in this area of my life. i am no longer okay with just people pleasing to make sure i am liked or because i want to look like the bigger, better person. I am not okay with wanting to change to be a better person because i want perfection. I want my motivation to be christ and my love for Him alone, for my heart and relationship with Him to be the thing that motivates me to be a better person not because i selfishly just want to look and act perfect. This is an attitude that is still so self focused. it many look right on the outside to those around you because you are doing the "right" thing, the biblical thing but all in all you are still selfishly doing the "right" thing for the show not because you are so in love with the Lord that your love for Him draws you on your knees desireing only to be so close to His heart that nothing separates you.  this is my desire to have this motivation to change the unwanted sin in my life to be the person the Lord desires me to be because of my love for Him and my desire to be close to him. I want to be changed from the inside out. i have never been okay with mediocre in my life, with the mundane, but now i even want the reason i am not okay with these things to not be born of me but to be inspired by the love of our heavenly Father. May we all be people who do the "right" things for Christ because we are inspired by His love not because we are desiring perfection for self-righteous reasons. from the heart of a learning servant.