a morning with my King

I am constantly inspired by the walk of Jesus. I know there is so many ways to interpret the bible and the way we as Christians are suppose to walk out this life on earth but i am challenged to study the way Jesus walked before us. To sit at my Saviors feet and learn from Him, glean from the way he dealt with situations and how he loved the people placed in front of Him. He was a man full of grace for those who where weak and conviction for those who "played religion". I want my walk to mimic His example. to speak words of grace and love to the tax collectors, prostitutes, and lame in our day like He did in His time. I know that He is a God of justice and wants us to walk the straight and narrow and those things I hear Him speak as well but as i watch is actions i see love above all.  I see Him push back on the people of social status who tried to put rules on what was acceptable as a religious scholar. I see people in our time doing the same things the Pharisee's did and it saddens me to see us as Christian's struggle with the very thing that Jesus himself scorned so heavily when he walked this earth. What has happened to our Love and Grace above everything else for others. i am myself am guilty of this same pious attitude toward others. we don't know the heart only Christ really does so who are we to sit here and judge the way others relationship with the Lord looks like. We as the younger generation have become infatuated with the idea of finding some new revelation and have missed the mark altogether of making Jesus the focal point.  We want freedom from the religious chains we feel trapped in by those before us with there rules but we have missed it has well.  Its not about rules and regulations that makes us closer to Christ or more saved but it is also not about the idol of a new Revelation both stances in my opinion have missed the mark, the marks of a man who was sent to save a lost world. the marks of a man who took this girls sins so that i could live in freedom with Him for eternity. Why is that not amazing enough for us. why are we either A trying to earn our freedom our way still or B trying to find some new revelation to stir our hearts up. I ask again why is the cross not enough? why is the example Jesus laid out by the example he left not enough for us? I challenge everyone myself included get back to the heart of our existence and that is Jesus and what He did because his love was enough for Him.

I heard a quote the other day that stopped me in my tracks it went something like this, " you don't know how you will act as a servant until you are treated like one." wow convicting, right? I am in a season as a mom to two very high energy, high maintenance little ones where this hits me right at home. Much of my day consist of serving them, bathing them, feeding them and many other acts of services and of course being the little beans that they are there is not much recognition or giving back from there sweet little mouths. I am learning that this momma needs some work on the attitude of a servants heart. I would love to say i am one of those momma's that gives so generously and has such a christ like attitude about it but i am afraid to say that is far from the truth. i  may give generously to those the Lord has placed in my sphere of influence but the minute i turn around and they can't see or hear me I have a biting comment to say or am quick to show my frustration. I feel the Lord softening my heart in this area of my life. i am no longer okay with just people pleasing to make sure i am liked or because i want to look like the bigger, better person. I am not okay with wanting to change to be a better person because i want perfection. I want my motivation to be christ and my love for Him alone, for my heart and relationship with Him to be the thing that motivates me to be a better person not because i selfishly just want to look and act perfect. This is an attitude that is still so self focused. it many look right on the outside to those around you because you are doing the "right" thing, the biblical thing but all in all you are still selfishly doing the "right" thing for the show not because you are so in love with the Lord that your love for Him draws you on your knees desireing only to be so close to His heart that nothing separates you.  this is my desire to have this motivation to change the unwanted sin in my life to be the person the Lord desires me to be because of my love for Him and my desire to be close to him. I want to be changed from the inside out. i have never been okay with mediocre in my life, with the mundane, but now i even want the reason i am not okay with these things to not be born of me but to be inspired by the love of our heavenly Father. May we all be people who do the "right" things for Christ because we are inspired by His love not because we are desiring perfection for self-righteous reasons. from the heart of a learning servant.

Watched a movie with my baby on my lap today, because of course she like every other day refused to nap. Sure I would liked to watch my movie in peace with no intruptions on this raining day, but I Would not trade those giggles and smiles for any amount of quite time. Yes I won't lie at times the single life without babies sounds so appealing to my over stimulated ears but if I really think back to that time I wanted this life so bad and felt so bored and unfulfilled without those sweet cheeks. I know through each season with my girls will come its challenges and struggles but as well each season will come with new joys and laughter. As I play princess with one and peekaboo with the other I am overwhelmed with and in awe of how blessed I am. Each day I find myself in some new adventure seen through there little eyes( that is if I allow myself to stop for a minute and go there with them.) the other day I was watching my littlest bean look out our window at cars passing by in such wonder and amazement and for that moment I to was able to see this world for the first time, through the eyes of my baby. Yes my days are not always filled with moments like this were I am able to see past all the dishes and Laundrey and screams from one direction or the next. I would be utterly lying if I told you they were,that I had some how attend the unattenable goal us mothers so seek after, " to enjoy each moment because it goes by so fast," not even close but there are moments where I find myself cherishing the craziness and I find myself able like today to really say I would not have it any other way. Let me tell you those are the moments I cherish the most when i find myself seeing the bigger picture and loving all I have. they are just rare beautiful moments but they are what keep me sane until the next scream or melt down comes. along.